I am on a quest to become an encyclopedia of deliciousness. As part of this quest I am eating 100 items off of 7 X 7s Big Eat lists in San Francisco. It’s hard work but someone’s got to do it.

After the success of my epic Birthday Big Eat it was decreed that among our friends we would stop doing birthday parties with gifts, cake etc and instead… well Big Eat for everybody’s birthdays. My friend Debi recently had to go gluten-free so for her birthday, we set out on the very first gluten-free Big Eat.

#40-Rice Burger at Sandbox Bakery

Rice Burger at Sandbox Bakery

Sandbox Bakery is located in Bernal Heights which I somehow have never been to. A tragedy indeed because 1) it’s adorable and 2) Sandbox Bakery is there. The Bakery itself is adjacent and full of intoxicating smelling pastries there were most defenitely not gluten-free but the rice burger was gf heaven. The flavor was excellent and the texture of the tofu reminded me of fois gras (sans guilt). It was creamy and rich and asianly delicious.

Verdict: Rice Burger, I’m not going to play coy. I’ve been thinkin on you.

Carnitas Taco at La Taqueria

#41 Carnitas Taco at La Taqueria

I’m going to level with you. I do not know why this is on the list. Was it good? Yeah. Did it change my life? Not in the least. I’m not sure if we went on an off day or if the list-compilers have a sentimental fondness but none of us found this taco to be extraordinary in any way. Solid? Yes. Would I eat it again? Sure, but you don’t drive around on a scavenger hunt to eat average tacos, not in California and certainly not in the Mission.

It makes me wonder if this is an institution or if there is some sort of ambiance that I missed out on? I wasn’t able to go inside because it is located on one of those chunks of Mission St. where it’s almost impossible to drive let alone park. We ended up dropping someone on the curb in a hysterical flurry and then eating these double-parked packed in the car. Our universal reaction was ‘meh’. I feel that eating food in the car was a more exciting event than these tacos. Plus they had pinto beans in the tacos. I do not approve of pinto beans in my tacos.

Verdict: Carnitas taco, you left a taco-shaped whole in my heart.

Why on earth are these tacos so mediocre?

Deflated by the bad weather (drizzly-boo San Francisco!), the fact that our next stop (Mission Chinese) was closed and the feeling that this day was not living up to the level of Birthday fun that I wanted for Debi we stopped to re-group. And by re-group, I mean eat Salted Caramel Ice Cream at Bi-Rite and buy random stuff at Tartine. Ooh, Aaah.

The top was gluten-free?

Afterwards we were revived enough to eat… more dessert. More on that next time. ;)

A few weeks ago I called my friend Lisa with some good news. “I got us tickets to go see our boyfriend perform in SF. Be prepared to Big Eat beforehand.” This made Lisa very happy. I submit Photographic Exhibit A.

Obviously our boyfriend is Jordan from NKOTB. I know that many of you do not understand my love for them. Judge me as you will. We’ve been in an imaginary relationship for 20+ years now. It’s safe to say I’ll be loving him forever. Ahem.

“Emily you are so awesomely notorious baby. I’m so glad you are my imaginary girlfriend. You are a rockstar. Now I will sing you a sex-ay song in my falsetto voice.”

I am just sane enough to realize that my “relationship” with Jordan is almost entirely in my head so I have no problem stuffing myself with food before hooking up for our annual visit. This is the best part about imaginary relationships. No worries about garlic breath or distended stomachs.

#38 The Little Star at Little Star Pizza

My friend Jeannie hypothesized that Little Star was the reason she gained 20 lbs when she moved to the city. My formative research shows that this is a strong probability. Quality deep dish pizza is few and far between on the West Coast and Little Star shines in our barren deep dish pizza wasteland.

The pizza itself has all the important components. Pleasingly oozy? Check. Chock-a-block with fresh ingredients and flavor? Check! The crowning glory was the amazing cornmeal crust that tasted light and crunch and airy like it was made out of the freshest croutons in the world. Lisa and I spent 20 minutes discussing its merits and frankly I’m not sure that was enough time.

Verdict: Go eat pizza. Bring your stretchy pants.

#39 Puka Punch at Smuggler’s Cove

Waiting around for concerts to start is a waste of my limited leg power so we decided to have a little Sunday night happy hour at Smugglers Cove. I was disconcerted as I dragged Lisa to a building that had no markings, blacked out windows and a very uh “suggestively” dressed woman entering the building. She was not going to be pleased if I accidentally dragged her into a brothel. She hates it when I do that.

Despite our concerns we entered the creepy building.  Our jaws immediately dropped open like cartoon characters. Smugglers Cove is like crossing the threshold from San Francisco to Pirates of the Carribbean. It is three stories of Captain Jack Sparrowness.

The specialty at Smugglers Cove is rum (duh) and the menu is like a textbook on rum with little piratey drawings. We were instructed to try the Puka punch which was both giant and satisfying but what I really wished we could try was a drink that was being set on fire behind us. FIRE! Cinamon scented FIRE!

Verdict: Who cares what you drink there? This place is an ex-per-ience and there is rum! Toss some back until you are just punch drunk enough to walk yourself safely to see your “boyfriend”. Not too much though. The girl next to me at the concert was drunkenly slurring “I just NEED Jordan in my LIFE” to the security guards. My friends, that is amusing but way too drunk. No more rum for her.

I’m eating 100 Items off of 7 X 7s SF Big Eat List. You can see the rest of entries to this series here.

Sacramento has a burgeoning food truck scene and every few months a local group has been organizing a mobile food festival called Sactomofo. The third incarnation was located within walking distance of my house. Even better? There was a Big Eat venue on the list of out of town attendees. Thank you so much Sactomofo organizers for bringing Chairman Bao to me!

#37 Pork Belly Bun at Chairman Bao

The upside of this scenario is that I did not have to figure out how to find this truck on a random day in San Francisco, the downside is that Sactomofo is crazy busy with hour-long lines at all the trucks. Not exagerating at all, Sacramentans are food truck crazy.

By the time we got to the front of the line everyone around me was getting grumpy. “This better be worth it” grunted the guy behind me. I couldn’t help thinking the same. I was hungry cold and very concerned that I would be dissapointed.

I needn’t have worried. It was extraordinary. Chairman Bao does a modern take on buns. They have two kinds baked and steamed. The baked are split in half like a sandwhich and the steamed are rolled up like a puffy taco. If I had to choose one to love forever in domestic partnership I would go with the Big Eat list and pick the pork belly. The pork was absolutely luscious and piled with pickled daikon to cut the richness. The bun itself was both toasted and soft. I feel jealous of myself just by looking at the picture. Memories….

This is an example of a steamed bun, I don’t remember exactly what these were. One was tofu and one was, uh, something else delicious? It was all so good that everything dissapeared before I had the chance to store the wonder of each one in my long term memory.

Ugh, more mystery deliciousness. I’m sorry dear readers. I’ve failed you! I have no idea what kind of bun this way, all I can say, is eat it!

Verdict: I waited in line for an hour to eat this and I didn’t get pissed. Instead my friends and I shoved them in our faces with a glee that is almost indecent. If that’s not a glowing review, I don’t know what is.