You matter

If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.-Fred Rogers

 

One summer I worked as part of the cleaning crew at a Conference Center. In addition to myself the crew included my friend Rachel, an ex-convict and a young man with mental disabilities. Obviously Rachel and I were thought of quite highly. Despite the boys out-of-the-mainstream pedigree we had fun as a group. The ex-con taught us self-defense using magic markers in place of pocket knives and in our down time we spent the day quoting Beavis and Butthead and listening to 80s mixtapes. Ocasionally if it was super slow, we’d lock a hotel room door, crank up Welcome to the Jungle and jump on the beds.

The work however sucked. Even though I was 19 and energetic, cleaning thirty hotel rooms a day is no joke. The first bed you make is easy; but by the time you’re on the thirtieth your back aches. Wet towels are gross and heavy and people are quite frankly, disgusting. Twelve years later I still have an irrational aversion to making beds.

I’m glad though that I had that job because it taught me that there are so many service jobs that are much harder than they look. I learned to think about the line cook on his feet all day and the hotel maid whose back aches from bending over and cleaning for hours on end.

When I was cleaning hotel rooms ocasionaly people would leave us meager tips of dollar or fifty cents. We would collect these and once a week we’d buy smoothies. Smoothie day was a good day. The smoothies gave us enough to energy to jump on the beds for Welcome to the Jungle and to jam to Footloose.  It wasn’t just the smoothie though, it was what they represented, that there were some people who bothered to recognize the hard work we did.

When I was in Baltimore a few weeks ago I was almost delirious from a sinus infection. Sickness always makes me both emotionally volatile and sentimental and when I walked into my hotel room to find it pristinely clean after a long work day with a splitting headache I was overcome. I walked straight back out of my room found the maid next door and blurted out somewhat bizzarely “Thank you so much for cleaning my room. You did such a good job and I really appreciate it.”

I wish you could have seen her smile.

My point? The things you do matter. The small kindnesses you take the time to express can make a difference. Smoothie day would brighten our spirits after cleaning yet another disgusting bathroom and I like to think that my thank you put a little spring in the hotel maids step. So please, don’t ever think what you do doesn’t matter. You have so much power to make the world a better place, one small courtesy at a time.

 

Five for Friday Pt. 49-LA Edition

Last week I went to LA for work. I met lots of great people at my site visits and got to hang out with some Torrie and Kat too! I also ate approximately 5 million meals. All of them were delicious. Today’s Five for Friday is the LA Food edition.

Put on your fat pants, your gonna gain weight just reading this post.

1. 1886 in Pasadena-I was so enamored with my drink and the company that I totally forgot to take a picture, but take my word for it, this bar is top notch. The drinks are creative without burying the licor in sugar or cream. It also has an amazing door that opens and closes with pulley weights giving it a fun speakeasy feel.

2. A/K/A in Pasadena-We had (among other things) portabello fries with truffle aioli. As they were delivered to the table my foodie in crime Katrina said “The aioli is so good, I want to drink it!” She made a drinking motion with her hand, just in case I didn’t get it.

I wanted to drink the aioli too. I’ll leave you to wonder whether I did, or not.

Portabello Fries with Truffle Aioli

3. Square One Dining-I saw this on OhJoy!’s blog and thought, “I must eat there.” Then I did. It was delicious and changed my life. The end.

French Toast with Bourbon Pecans and Vanilla Whipcream

Salmon Benedict: It comes nestled not on a muffin, but a crispy nest of deep fried hash browns giving it an unexpected layer of crispy. Genius.

4. Mozza Pizzeria-So fresh and so clean. This was reccommended by Torrie. My favorite pizza was a gorgonzola dolce that had rosemary and fingerling potatos. I never tasted the sweetness in gorgonzola dolce until I had this pizza, it was addictive. I wanted to shove my face in the whole thing but it didn’t seem polite so I held back, sort of.

Gorgonzola Dolce with Fingerling Potatos and Rosemary

Pizza Margherita

Squash Blossoms and Burrata

5. You tell me! Where do you like to eat in LA? What do I HAVE to eat next time I there? I mean in addition to the places that I already ate…

Taxi Cab Chronicles: Antoine’s Fragrances

My time with Antoine didn’t seem too promising in the first few minutes. He seemed to be of the polite yet detached variety drivers.  A tall, handsome, middle-aged black man in a well-pressed suit he was a Baltimore native and a town car driver, in short a super-professional: the sort that answer your questions without encouraging further chat.

Usually it’s my goal to have a driver become my best friend during the 15-minute drive to the airport but after having battled a wicked and plague of a cold for the past few days I wasn’t really up to the task of employing my usual taxi-driver/friend-hostage tactics. I figured Antoine and I would have to settle for a normal client/driver relationship. I settled into my seat and prayed that he would take a break from texting to pay attention to driving me safely.

Then unexpectedly Antoine took ME hostage! “Why are people always trying to sell me fragrances?” he asked me apropos of nothing. “I have so many fragrances. More than 100 and people just keep trying to sell them to me like I don’t already own them!”

I mean, obviously that’s what he said. Who wouldn’t start a conversation like that?

I never did ask Antoine about who these neanderthals were who kept insisting he buy fragrances, but wow, did I learn a lot about Antoine’s love for them including how many he owned (more than 100), why he was so into them (an old girlfriend felt insisted on a strict shower than fragrance schedule) and what his favorites were “Christian Dior and Creed”.

The conversation was very weird, I mean, I kept wanting to say, “Why the heck do you keep saying fragrances instead of cologne?” but instead I fed the fire, nodding appropriately and saying, “Wow, it sounds like you really love fragrances” at the appropriate moments in the conversation.

Then alarmingly he thrust his cell phone at me! “See I don’t need more fragrances.”

People, Antoine had what appeared to be a three level bar cart full of cologne bottles. And he had taken a picture of it to show people. “Antoine you weren’t kidding!” I exclaimed.

“I know” he said, equally enthusiastic. “I have a lot of fragrances.”

I can’t tell you how it cheers me to know that there are so many wonderful weirdos in the world, and even better that some of that have at their disposal 100 fragrances to fill your world.

Emily makes a plan

Ha ha! Got you again. Today I am talking about myself in third person, because it’s fun, and catchy and reminds me of that 90s show Clarissa explains it all which I never got to watch because we didn’t have cable.  :(

But as usual. I digress.

So on Monday I was talkin big about my BIG dreams and my BIG plans to be stupid-fearless and I alluded to a plan. As you all know well, I love plans, checklists, spreadsheets and things of that nature so when Jenny suggested the following simple plan I was all over it.

Why don’t you just use your blog and write one short story/essay a week. At the end of the year you’ll have 52 and you can pick out the themes and form a short story collection.

I know! Jenny is quite possibly a brilliant, mad genius! Even better? I’ve essentially been writing a short story once a week or so for most of the past year so my current plan is to KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON! At the end of the year I should have about 50 stories and then you guys can help me sort out a theme and we’ll have a real-life little book sketch that we’ve done? Right? I love it.

And I love you guys too. Just thought you should know, in case I hadn’t said so lately.

Okay, now it’s time for you to help me write my short-story book. What makes the best short stories? Musings on my courtship with Arnold. (I assure you this story is ca-razay). Life lessons? Like “How I learned to not just be a geek.” or the “Naturally a Disaster” variety like “When appliances attack”. Let me know. I’ll do my best to acquiesce to your excellent judgment.

Eternal Love,

Notoriously dumber and less fearful MLE

Emily Explains it All

Ha ha got you! I bet you thought I was going to talk about how wise and deliciously intelligent I am, but I’m not! Today, I’m going to tell you about the wisdom of another Emily. Specifically, Ms. Emily Henderson, who won last years Next Design Star competition.

via Emily Henderson Style

As you know, I am a big supporter of Emilys so when one of our kind won a Design Show I was psyched. Obviously I immediately had to start following her blog and sending her lunatic tweets. I can’t help it, I have to be me! Anyways, last year she did a post about a decision she made in early 2010 that led to her auditioning for the show. You can find the post here. I could give you my summary of my favorite parts but instead I’ll use the magic of cut and paste to share it with you in quote format.

So what was different about 2010, eh?  Well, for starters i woke up January 1st, and was all, ‘ok, life, fine, you asked for it, Emily Henderson is about to care less about what people think and take a few risks’. Cause, you want to know the real truth?  I was sick of people that are less smart and less talented being more successful because they have less fear. You heard me, and you know what I’m talking about.  Big words from a little blond, i know.  I hope that doesn’t come across boastful, cause I’m not saying I’m the smartest or most talented, but I kept seeing the same thing over and over, and was a little tired of wondering why it wasn’t happening to me. -Emily Henderson

Uh, does that hit any of you between the eyes? Cause it sure affected me. Maybe it’s cause she’s an Emily, or maybe it’s because I  see so many  dum-dums getting ahead in life because they don’t know they’re stupid. C’mon, I know that you are all thinking of the dum-dum you know that is wildly successful despite being an idiot. They are out there in droves.

Don’t worry, this is not going to be a blog post that rails against stupidity. I like to keep it positive. In fact this is actual a pro-dummy post. I’ve really been thinking about what she said and it’s time for me to be more fearless. Sure, I’ll probably make some spectacular mistakes but if you’ve read this blog for any length of time you’ll know that it’s not like I’m currently mistake free! Please! In the words of Cher Horowitz, “as if”.

So I decided this is the year to stop  mulling/thinking/half-wishing that I was a professional writer, blogger, creative-person and instead take steps to make it happen.

Enter Jenny, a friend of a friend who is an actual writer. She is currently finishing a young adult novel that will be published. Obviously she is awesome. We went to dinner last Friday and I was talking to her about writing and she said “Would you like to write a book?” and I was like, uh, I don’ know? To which our mutual friend Char replied “Of course you would!” with an astounding amount of confidence.

You know how sometimes people outside you see you more clearly than you see yourself? I think it was like that but I wasn’t convinced yet. After all Char did once convince me to see Scream 3 in the movie theater. I still haven’t recovered.

In reply to Char’s assertion I began listing all the boring and practical reasons I don’t have time to write a book. My full-time job, my child, what would I write about?, blah, blah, blah.

Mercifully Jenny interrupted me “Okay, pretend, I’m a publisher and I said ‘I will give you $20,000 to write a book, but you have to tell me in 2 days what it’s going to be about.’ What do you say?”

“I would write about Elian’s adoption, or a series of short funny stories” I said with about 2 milliseconds hesitation.

Uh… speaking of dummies. What kind of person thinks they don’t want to write a book but can spit out an answer like that instantaneously?

I think, quite possibly a person that might be dumb enough to write one.

Jenny also helped me formulate a plan. More on that later this week.

Friend-tervention

Last October I went to Seattle with a bunch of my friends. We ate insane amounts of pizza, it was heaven. Another thing that happened on that trip is that my friends gave me a mini-intervention.

‘You have to go out with Arnold once in awhile’ they said. ‘It’s important for your marriage.’ There are four of us here and we can all help babysit.’

This might not be a terribly remarkable conversation except that they followed through. Since that trip Arnold and I have been out about once a month courtesy of my friends. Even more amazing? My girlfriends are not sympathetic fellow-moms, none of them have children, yet they are my family’s enthusiastic advocates.

I hear so many horror stories about women who lost their friends after they became mothers. The constant exhaustion and gap in lifestyles breaks the bonds that once seemed unbendable. I was very afraid of this happening because my friends are like my family: without them I would be lost. I was reassured and reassured, but still the fear was there, festering in my belly, making itself a comfy home with my other many neuroses.

I really shouldn’t have worried because here is a list of things my friends have done in the year since I became a parent:

  1. Called me to arrange play-dates between themselves and my son.
  2. Bought toyboxes and baby-proofed their homes.
  3. Purchased a baby-pool so Elian can swim at their house.
  4. Listened and reassured the Mommy-angst. Over and over and over again.
  5. Planned events around my son’s bedtime schedule.

This is a short list, with vast gaps. We all should be so lucky and yet even when I am blessed with an embarrassment of generosity my friends still have the power to bring me to tears with their kindness. Yesterday I received the following e-mail from a friend.

I read on your blog that a goal for 2011 was to have a date night once a month.  On behalf of helping you reach that goal, I would like to extend the offer to be your babysitter should you need one.  This is a standing offer until Elian no longer needs a sitter.-Lisa

I don’t even have words for how that e-mail changed my day. It is so hard for me to ask for help. I feel guilty asking people to babysit. After all I’m the one who decided to become a Mom, how can I shirk my responsibilties off on my friends? And yet, time and time again my friends have been God’s grace to me, blessing me in ways I would never dare to ask request. I pray that each of you are lucky enough to have the same.

Pssst-Tomorrow is List Love Book Club Day 2 – The Topic is Books that have made you Cry. I’m hosting the Link Up so get your list ready!

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