Okay, remember how I was waxing philosophical about parenting being full of HIGH HIGHS and LOW LOWS. Well let me elaborate further on that statement. Specifically the LOW LOWS part. I’ve been a mother for about oh 2 months now and I have to confess that I’m learning real slow-like and for me sometimes the lows are bleakly overwhelming.
Elian is in the stage where he is learning how to talk to express his needs instead of crying like babies do… you know the stage where they are able to kind of control their screaming but not all the time. So sometimes everything goes real smooth and sometimes he just throws himself down on the floor and screams and screams and screams some more. I’m sure the whole “getting new parents and moving to a new country” situation isn’t any help either.
I’ll emphasize that in general he is a very good little boy but I am a new Mom and the screaming, well it gets to me. And I get frustrated and then sometimes it’s just not so good. And then we’re both yelling and it’s terrible… and anyways, sometimes it all builds up and you have to leave the house to get away and visit your friends and sob hysterically about how you have no patience and you are so frustrated and you are pretty sure you’ll never be a good Mom. You will wail hysterically that you’ve already messed up your little dinosaur for life and cry and cry and cry some more. And then your friends will comfort you and they won’t object at all when you ask them to give you a beer and a silly straw to drink it with.. and…. well this whole scenario is only hypothetical right? I wish.
And because your friends are the best somehow fresh tortillas and girl scout cookies will magically appear. Then they will assure you that you are free to cry whenever you want and are incredibly understanding of your temporarily ruining the nice get-together with your small mental breakdown.
Then to top it all off they will dose you good with re-runs of So You Think You Can Dance and you will return home calmer, happier and assured that your child has not already been ruined by your lack of parenting skill. When you get home you will thank your husband for watching the baby while you ate girl scout cookies and cried and thank you mother-in-law for letting the baby sleep in her room for the night.
The next morning you will wake up and realize that things have to change. That you cannot teach your child not to yell by yelling at him. You will awake with a clear head and a semblance of common sense. You will remember that last year you traveled for two weeks in Panama with your adored and much-admired older cousin and her two small children. You will marvel at the fact that you do not remember her yelling at them even once. Not ONE time! And you thank God for the small hope that maybe somehow you share the same genes and will be able to become a more patient person. And then since you are talking to God anyways you remember about Ash Wednesday and that you haven’t really decided what to do for Lent yet. And then all of those events: the silly straw, the girl scout cookies, the trip to Panama, the Ash Wednesday miracle, and lent itself lead you to one inevitable conclusion. It’s the time to ask God to change you in ways that seem impossible. It’s the time to believe in miracles, grow closer to God and become a better person. Lent is the time to renew your life and live the gospel. It’s the time to remember that you believe in love beyond anyone’s understanding and that everyday is a new beginning.
So here we go:
40 days of staying calm and not yelling.
I might fail some but I hope at the end to be a better Mom. I will need God and I will need you. Be my cheerleaders blog friends!
Si se puede Emily!!
I only yell when I lack sleep or see immediate danger. I always feel terrible afterwards and apologise.
Find out the situations that make you yell and see what the trigger is. For me, it’s almost always fear or lack of sleep.
You know what? There isn’t really a trigger situation but just the fact that I’ve taken it off the table as an option has helped a lot.
Yelling…that’s a great thing to give up for Lent! I’m in it with you.
I hate it when I yell at my kids…I just feel awful..I always apologize and tell them I was being a grumpy bug…they laugh and say “no worries mom!”
But now’s the time to stop it…count me in. Oh and Emily, you’re a wonderful mom even if it doesn’t feel like it. You’re in the adjusting period and you’re doing fantastic and everything you’re feeling….is what I’ve felt.
Love you!
Thank Lee Anne. Love to you too! I’ve remembered the advice you gave me at Chipotle so many months ago a lot lately. You can’t imagine how many bad moments that advice has gotten me through.
I’m with you, Emily! And remember that God grants us the grace to deal with our situations, and He’ll grant both you and Elian the grace to grow together. I love to hear your determination, but remember to receive God’s grace as well.
Thanks Ryan. I need to hear that sometimes, I really do.
Em-
I agree with you wholeheartedly but I haven’t been able to stop the yelling. I’m not sure I’ve ever tried as hard as you though. If I had no other stressors I could probably do it but that’s never going to happen. Plus teens need to be yelled at otherwise they won’t listen, right? Probably not, but I don’t know the solution. Maybe I should whisper and see if that works. I’ve heard it works with small kiddos having temper tantrums. They get so interested in what you are whispering they calm down. Give it a shot.
Plus, for some reason it’s more acceptable to yell at your kids than the other people in your life (bosses, friends, neighbors, etc)?? How crazy is that? We are somehow given the green light to treat those closest to us with less kindness than those more distant? That’s one of my biggest motivations to stop the yelling at Julia but I still fail.
Sometimes, I get yelling at Julia so much that it actually crosses over into a weird dimension. You know…yelling so much or so crazy that you are making no sense or being a huge freak. One time I got to yelling while I was getting undressed and I was screaming up and down the hall in my bra. Then Julia and I start laughing while I’m trying to yell in my bra with my boobs flaring everywhere.
Yeah, we’re in therapy. (tee hee) Don’t let it get like this…….Hugs and support from Ms.Kelley
Kelley -I love the story about the naked yelling. I can totally see myself doing the same thing. I HATE it when people yell at me so it seems doubly wrong that I would yell at the most littlest, most vulnerable person in my life. I’m not batting 100% on my Lenten resolution but I’m feeling a lot better already.
I think having a parenting philosophy helps. I’ve read lots of the books everyone says are great, like the Sibling Rivalry book and the Conscious Discipline book and some others. It helps to have some actions you can respond with that you’ve decided on beforehand. I don’t even think it matters really what your toolkit holds as long as you are proud of that toolbox.
Hey Emily! Ningún niño viene con una manual de instrucciones para saber como manejarlo. Ser papá o mamá es una experiencia única, recuerda que cuando ellos llegan a tí, tú naces de nuevo con ellos. Abrazos!
Ay, Oscarcillo. Todo lo que digas es la pura verdad. Cada dia estamos creciendo juntos.
Ok Emily…so last night I’m helping Elijah build his Power Point show for his science project, I know what your thinking, a 10 year old doing a Power Point? I started to yell a bit because I was explaining the many cool and fun animations you can do, all the while Eli is spinning around in the office chair , saying “uhmmm” acting like he’s engaged and kicking my chair. I got irritated. I mean really all he had to do was pay attention…forget that he’s been at school all day, practiced his piano and did all his homework, I mean really. Well my voice got loud and I began to yell, then I remembered…no yelling…and I quickly lowered my voice to a whisper…it worked. Eli looked at me like I was crazy. Then we just busted up laughing…it was great. One day down no “real” yelling.
Em, I’m so glad you can reflect on our conversation and find comfort…it all comes in time and one day you’ll look at Elian and you’ll feel like his mom and you will love him more than you already do. Hugs!
Oh LeeAnne you always know just what to say. Can’t wait to see you later this month.
Can’t wait to see you too…we’re in planning mode. :^)